Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Weekend Warning

Well, we've got an early edition of Weekend Warning this week, as movies are opening for Thanksgiving. Last week all movies hit the under; Beowulf ($27.5 out of $30.0 million) and Mr. Magorium ($9.6 out of $10.7 million) were close, while Love in the Time of Cholera put up a pathetic $1.9 million (out of $4.7).

Anyhow, onto the show for the week...put your own guesses in the comments to forever immortalize your genius. Once again, we give you a chance to click on the movies below and heed our preview reviews...

Enchanted ($34.0 million) - According to James O'Ehley: "...the tween girls whom this movies is aimed at will have a blast."

Troy: You hear that, 11 year-old girls? Now that decision between Mary's birthday at the Hannah Montana concert and Sherry's party at the movies just got interesting. Go with the girl who's more popular. (UNDER)

Torch:I am boycotting Disney until they decide to make a legit animated movie again. Oh, and I want songs in it.....and I want Tim Rice to write them. (OVER)

Hitman ($9.8 million) - There have been no reviews for the movie so far, so we'll take this one from Gamespot: "The original game's extremely steep learning curve isn't nearly as insurmountable in the sequel, since at normal difficulty, 47 can sustain massive amounts of damage (thanks to good old genetic engineering) and can still finish most missions if he blows his cover. Also, the fact that you can save your progress during missions certainly helps." Uh, sure, we can extrapolate that for the movie.

Troy: The trailer says Agent 47 is bred from the most dangerous why is he white? -- the United States Prison System. (UNDER)

Torch: If we hit men, shouldn't we hit woman also? Chivalry is dead. I'm just making it known. (UNDER)

August Rush ($7.3 million) - So, here is what Jolene Mendez has to say: "August will have you Rushing to theatres to witness his musical masterpiece." We also had a similarly awful pun like that in our original review...we cut it. If you want to take this person's advice, by all means, ride your magical music notes to the "theatre".

Troy: Remember back when Robin Williams was funny? Yeah, neither do I. Go back and watch Good Morning Vietnam, with Forest Whitaker choking over his own fake laughs, and you'll wonder how Williams has lived on the myth of being a comedy actor for so long. If people criticized Studio 60 for it's in-show sketches being impossible to believe as funny, can't we wonder why the soldiers were supposed to be in love with the extremely unfunny DJ in Vietnam? (UNDER)

Torch: This movie is only encouraging orphans to work harder. They are sooooo lazy. I mean, they let their parents die. (UNDER)

The Mist ($11.0 million) - Well, you better believe we are cultured around here...even The New Yorker agrees with our assessment: "'The Mist' is itself a supermarket of B-movie essentials, handsomely stocked with bad science, stupid behavior, chewable lines of dialogue, religious fruitcakes, and a fine display of monsters...The line 'There’s something in the mist!' is a straight lift from 'There’s something in the fog!,' spoken twenty-seven years ago in John Carpenter’s 'The Fog,' and it shows that these movies are not meditations on the tragedy of human overreach. They’re weather reports."

Troy: It's like the mist is what's pretty, you know? All gold and [CLAW TO THE THROAT] ...Nothing gold can stay. (OVER)

Torch: This movie falls somewhere in between the greatness of the video game Myst, and the grossness of the mist you feel on your feet when you use the urinal wearing flip-flops. (UNDER)

Troy (2-1)
Torch (3-0)

Enchanted - over
Hitman - over
August Rush - over
Mist -under
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