Reel Intelligence

"The hotness of Angelina Jolie, as a slithery water demon, certainly didn't hurt."

Troy: Oh God, I hope they keep the computer model for Jolie's body in an electronic Fort Knox...I can only imagine what the internet crowd would do with that thing if it ever got into the wrong hands. Wait...wait...yup, still imagining it. (OVER)

Torch: When I got caught searching for "Angelina nip and ass" by my girlfriend, I tried to play it off like I was concerned about wildlife. Nerds however are not an endangered species and this movie will benefit from them. Not enough to hit 30 mil though. (UNDER)


Love in the Time of Cholera ($4.7 million) - According to the New York Post,

"John Leguizamo is a bright light that takes this already beautiful film to the 'Classic' level."

Haha, JUST KIDDING! It's got a 19% on Rotten Tomatoes at the time of writing this. John Leguizama is probably good for a -20%, even in his small role.

Troy: If you called it "Love in the Time of Syphilis", then we'd see some REAL sacrifice. (UNDER)

Torch: Yet another movie I can watch and then claim that I have read the book to sound more intelligent. YES! (UNDER)

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium($10.7 million) - It's not like you didn't know it already, but we'll give the Naperville Sun a nod for the confirmation:

"And then there is Dustin Hoffman as Magorium, who sports ratty eyebrows and a feral lisp to match. Forcibly zany and uncomfortably childish, he's like the clown at the circus everyone avoids. You want to stuff him in a jack-in-the-box."

Troy: What most people don't realize is that the script actually called for a mild-mannered, sage-like main character. It was Hoffman's coke habit that took care of the rest...(UNDER)

Torch: Harrison Ford has Calista Flockhart, and Michael Douglas lucked out with Catherine Zeta Jones. What better way for Hoffman to meet young girls than by opening a toy store? Genius.... The movie however, not so genius.( UNDER)

Southland Tales (N/A) - The first review to catch my eye, primarily because of it's ATROCIOUS allusion to Eliot's The Hollow Men, was that of Mark Bell over at Film Threat:

"This is how the review starts, not with overwhelming praise, but confused disappointment."

Yeah, I just threw up as well.

Troy: If Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has a love interest in this movie, is it considered romancing the stone? (N/A)

Torch: I can't think of a worse cast. These actors by themselves have been known to tank movies. With their combined movie-tanking abilities could it create the best movie ever? Before you say no, think about what happens when you multiply a negative number by a negative number... hmmmm ( I predict a positive monetary amount at the box office)

Troy (0-0)
Torch (0-0)

Just for the heck of it: I AM BEOWULF!!!!!!!