Friday, November 16, 2007

Weekend Warning

Yup, it's about that time again, where we play the "I told you so" game and give you one last warning before you drop money on those movies this weekend. Our original experiment to pick over/under on total box office projections does not give us instant gratification, so we've decided to play over/under on *weekend* box office numbers. That way we'll know by next week. Adjust your choices accordingly.

Anyhow, we'll be using the projections given by our good friends over at Fantasy Moguls (actually, they don't know us) as the basis for our over/under selections.

Beowulf ($30 million) - At the time of writing this, Beowulf scored a 25% among women reviewers on Rotten Tomatoes, and a 84% among men. In honor of this gender breakdown, I will hand the floor over to the Arizona Republic's Kerry Lengel, whose name led to the most male/female ambiguity:

"The hotness of Angelina Jolie, as a slithery water demon, certainly didn't hurt."

Troy: Oh God, I hope they keep the computer model for Jolie's body in an electronic Fort Knox...I can only imagine what the internet crowd would do with that thing if it ever got into the wrong hands. Wait...wait...yup, still imagining it. (OVER)

Torch: When I got caught searching for "Angelina nip and ass" by my girlfriend, I tried to play it off like I was concerned about wildlife. Nerds however are not an endangered species and this movie will benefit from them. Not enough to hit 30 mil though. (UNDER)

Love in the Time of Cholera ($4.7 million) - According to the New York Post,

"John Leguizamo is a bright light that takes this already beautiful film to the 'Classic' level."

Haha, JUST KIDDING! It's got a 19% on Rotten Tomatoes at the time of writing this. John Leguizama is probably good for a -20%, even in his small role.

Troy: If you called it "Love in the Time of Syphilis", then we'd see some REAL sacrifice. (UNDER)

Torch: Yet another movie I can watch and then claim that I have read the book to sound more intelligent. YES! (UNDER)

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium($10.7 million) - It's not like you didn't know it already, but we'll give the Naperville Sun a nod for the confirmation:

"And then there is Dustin Hoffman as Magorium, who sports ratty eyebrows and a feral lisp to match. Forcibly zany and uncomfortably childish, he's like the clown at the circus everyone avoids. You want to stuff him in a jack-in-the-box."

Troy: What most people don't realize is that the script actually called for a mild-mannered, sage-like main character. It was Hoffman's coke habit that took care of the rest...(UNDER)

Torch: Harrison Ford has Calista Flockhart, and Michael Douglas lucked out with Catherine Zeta Jones. What better way for Hoffman to meet young girls than by opening a toy store? Genius.... The movie however, not so genius.( UNDER)

Southland Tales (N/A) - The first review to catch my eye, primarily because of it's ATROCIOUS allusion to Eliot's The Hollow Men, was that of Mark Bell over at Film Threat:

"This is how the review starts, not with overwhelming praise, but confused disappointment."

Yeah, I just threw up as well.

Troy: If Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has a love interest in this movie, is it considered romancing the stone? (N/A)

Torch: I can't think of a worse cast. These actors by themselves have been known to tank movies. With their combined movie-tanking abilities could it create the best movie ever? Before you say no, think about what happens when you multiply a negative number by a negative number... hmmmm ( I predict a positive monetary amount at the box office)

Troy (0-0)
Torch (0-0)

Just for the heck of it: I AM BEOWULF!!!!!!!

What? 5.55pm and no comments?!?!

Beowulf - Over
Cholera Love - $4.7mil sounds about right
Mr.Magorium - under
Southland Tales-under

its really all about Beowulf this weekend.
Under for everything except Beowulf.

"I am Beowulf, and I'm here to kill your monster."
Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]