Thursday, November 8, 2007


Trailers (Opens 11/15)
So I know the writers strike is bad and all, but is it so bad that we have to result to a script that was written in roughly 700 AD? Did writers find Sir Gawain and the Green Knight too racially insensitive? Did market research reveal that Jabberwocky didn't appeal to the tween market? Well, whatever the case, Beowulf was the script of choice and here it is in 21st century CGI technology.

Now, most movies hinge on one big moment. Most people like to call it the climax. Apparently, the people over at Paramount decided to give us climax squared, and make the "one big moment" a decision by Beowulf whether or not to sleep with the temptress.
Climax * Climax = Good Times

As the trailer opens, we see Beowulf hunting in a dark cave for the Grendel's mother (In the original manuscript, Grendel was the horrific, disgusting beast that was terrorizing nearby townspeople and chewing their bones before Beowulf killed him). He hears a voice, and is taken aback by the lack of a growl.

In fact, Beowulf is apparently SO enticed by this voice that he loses his clothing fast...faster than Helen of Troy in the presence of any breathing male with enough money for a castle and a bottle of two-buck chuck.

Hey -- I hear what you are saying, "Beowulf doesn't have time to get naked, he has to kill the beast!" But, put yourself in Beowulf's shoes and imagine your surprise when the hideous monster that you are hunting turns out to be a "hottified" CGI version of Angelina Jolie. Not only is she hot(as if this isn't enough), she is also offering you the ultimate power. You would get to be king, rule the world, yada yada yada..... I have seen guys go home with girls for nothing more than a simple "hello".

Being the opportunist that I am, I am thinking ,"Ok, there must be a catch here. Angelina, water, king of the world-- HOLY CRAP! Is that a tail?"
I never thought Beowulf would be a movie about moral ambiguity, but boy was I wrong. If you are looking for the answer to the timeless question of whether or not it is ok to "be" with a woman with a tail (and no, where the tail originates is not important), then this movie is not for you. Beowulf is more of a movie that makes you question your moral limits, and helps refine what you view as right and wrong. It is a journey, and Paramount is daring you to take it.

I don't mind the tail. One vote for "yes please"
Depends on how intrusive the tail is to the love-making process...
She could have three tails, all tipped with scorpion barbs, i'd still do her -- and I'm a chick.

Bring back hottie non-anorexic Angelina Jolie! She's so hot, even her brother wants to **** her!

The movie looks like a bomb, though. Too bad.

-- Anouka
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