Monday, November 26, 2007


Trailer (Opening 12/7)

It all started with Pride and Prejudice. Keira Knightley wrapped up her 85% on Rotten Tomatoes, enjoyed her Oscar nomination, and strutted around the U.K. like she owned the place. James McAvoy, the pride and joy of Scotland, then decided to channel William Wallace and fight back with his own part in the Jane Austen franchise, in Becoming Jane. But there was not much success in that one.

Said Knightley, “I've seen better acting from my tea and crumpets.”

Said McAvoy (in Sean Connery accent), “Your mother is a whore.”

And of course, there was only one way to settle the argument: with an ACT-OFF. Their weapon, obviously, would be another Jane Austen film. Unfortunately, because Austen's intellectual property had already been thoroughly raped and pillaged, and because her bones were shattered from rolling over in her grave so many times, a story of forbidden British love needed to be found by another author.

This, then, was how Knightley and McAvoy came to star together in Atonement. Sooo, which will best showcase the British-passion-hidden-below-proper-manners? The increasingly shrinking Knightley and her 47-pound frame (that's 21 Kilos), or the Scottish version of Ryan Gosling? The loser will be forced to costar in the next Mr. Bean film.

Onto the actual story. As it turns out, the villain that stops these two lovers from living happily ever after is...a little girl. Horrifying! Does she have the telekinetic powers to blow up school dances, or is she possessed by the devil? Nope, just her imagination. Apparently, she falsely accuses the McAvoy character of rape.

There are themes with every movie, and lessons to be learned. My question is this - do we really want the lesson of a movie to be, "don't believe a little girl when she claims rape, because she's probably just making it up"? Uh, no. I'll reserve my I-told-you-so's for when sleazy lawyers start using the "Atonement" defense at trials.

Of course, there are worse things things that the girl could've done to James McAvoy with her imagination...just look at what those damned Narnia kids caused with THEIR imagination:
The uhh, human part does not begin until ABOVE the waist -- Knightley would have to be pretty adventurous to stay with him here. Still, in this state, McAvoy would definitely be "fawning" over her...

Anyhow, since the book won numerous awards and they managed to keep John Leguizamo out of the adaptation, I predict the critics will lap this up. There is even some buzz about the movie itself winning awards. I'll nominate it for this year's "movie most responsible for creating women's unrealistic expectations for romance" award, and McAvoy himself for "actor that men most want to punch in the face".

So yeah, if you're looking forward to Atonement, and wondering about Ian McEwan's (the author of Atonement) latest book, On Chesil Beach, you can get the following synopsis from Amazon:

It is 1962 when Edward and Florence, 23 and 22 respectively, marry and repair to a hotel on the Dorset coast for their honeymoon. They are both virgins, both apprehensive about what's next.... Through a tense dinner in their room, because Florence has decided that the weather is not fine enough to dine on the terrace, they are attended by two local boys acting as waiters.

It is also being made into a movie, but, uh, you'll need to rent it from your local porn-shop.

Dude, don't be dumb and hate on Ian McEwan. No opinions on the films based on his books, but he's probably the greatest master of the English language who's not Jewish.
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